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Crank 2: High Voltage

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Or: Jason Statham and His New Fetish (Okay that was bad)

Or: Jason Statham and His New Fetish (Okay that was bad)

People are gonna say a lot of things about this movie, and yeah, whatever, but I fucking love Chev Chelios. This movie is brainless and fun but it was intended this way, see? This is what makes it brilliant. It’s like fuckin Grand Theft Auto, without even having to actually make Grand Theft Auto. Crank 2: High Voltage by far surpasses the first movie. It’s louder, cruder (is that a word?) and dare i say this: better.

For the 3 people out there that did not like, or did not watch the fisrt Crank, Chev Chelios (played by Jason Statham) is a bad ass from Enghlandh (mispellings intended) that fell from a helicopter after surviving a chinese poison (yes, a poison) thats supposedly will make his heart stop if he ran out of adrenaline, thus buying him a perfect, justifiable escuse to do whatever the fuck he wants. In Crank 2, after he fell, he was scooped up and given an artificial heart, which has to be recharged every hour. Thus the plot ensue and we get to see Jason Statham wreck havoc, and makes my heart skip a beat. Crank 2 was so high on surrealism that they had to include montage scenes, title scenes that says “9 seconds later,” and cameos from porn stars.

I read that Crank 2 was shot by cheap cameras straight out of Best Buy, although they used 12 at a time and not afraid to destroy any if deemed necessary.  So you see kids? Cheap cameras + Jason Statham + Strippers + Mechanical Heart + Men’s nipples getting cut off (wait for it..its legendary) = GOOD TIME.

The Verdict: 5 out of 5.

I give it that because, ah hell, as much as I love war movies, holocaust movies, 2 hours of talking movies all those pretentious movies, but Crank 2 can’t be wrong. It blows your brain all over the place.

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Written by strangelittlegirl

May 11, 2009 at 5:47 pm

X Men Origins : Wolverine

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Wolverine Delivers, But Nothing More.

Or: Hugh Jackman with Claws. RRR

Or: Hugh Jackman with Claws. RRR

News: Lo and behold, here’s my dish on the most anticipated movie blockbuster that still turned out to be a major hit despite the 4 million leak downloads. The movie producers griped abput losing 28 million and guess how much the movie made, as of May 3rd: 87 million dollars. Wow, I told you, piracy helps! These 4 million people wouldn’t pay for shit. Instead, they helped as some sort of the new world viral marketers.

So as for the movie, ahem. The opening war scenes, I knew this movie was going to be monumental in terms of special effects. I saw this one stand up routine by Eddie Izzard on how american movies are so perfect for popcorn, because you can eat them without taking your eyes off the screen. It’s like seeing comicbook pages flipped from front to back at a high rate. But but but, Wolverine is trying to cram as much action as possible without really developing the back stories of its characters that it looks like a, let me quote IMDB, “4 scene cameos”. 

I love a man like Hugh Jackman, but in Wolverine, Liev Schreiber steals the show as Sabretooth. I rooted and sympathized for Sabretooth the whole movie and he turns out to save the day, while that might be a spoiler for some, but don’t worry, Wolverine is one predictable movie.

The verdict: 3.5 out of 5.

Good for the eyes, does little for the mind, unlike Spiderman 2 which is only my favorite superhero movie yet.

Written by strangelittlegirl

May 8, 2009 at 4:29 am

One Eyed Monster

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One Eyed Monster is a movie that you may have or havent heard of. For you that havent, its..well lets say you just need too see it with your own eyes.

YOU MUST WATCH THE TRAILER. PLEASE? Not (too) safe for work, unless you work for Vivid. 

Pure awesomeness.

Written by strangelittlegirl

April 20, 2009 at 1:52 pm

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Vicky Christina Barcelona

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Vicky Cristina Barcelona is a 2008 film written and directed by Woody Allen. The film stars Javier Bardem, Penélope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall.

The plot centers around two American women, Vicky and Cristina, spending a summer in Barcelona, where they meet an artist who is attracted to both of them while still enamored of his mentally and emotionally unstable ex-wife María Elena.

or..I Want to be Mrs Javier Bardem

or..I Want to be Mrs Javier Bardem

Let me do a quick review on the movie that won Penelope Cruz an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. Frankly, I never thought much of Penelope Cruz other than being crazy enough to date Tom Cruise, but in here she outshines Scarlett Johansson, who I am also a fan of, but you know how I hate men can’t get past her boobies and lips and nobody really gave a fuck on her acting skills.

So Scarlett’s has been Woody Allen’s latest muse and judging by the man who married his adopted daughter, you know that he’s just a wee bit pervert. You know, just a bit. I’m just saying this to help myself understand his work more. So in Vicky Christina Barcelona you have these two hot actresses, and you have Woody Allen as the writer and director. That ought to be good, right? Very, very good.

I especially like the beautiful Barcelona and Oviedo sceneries and the narration of the whole story. The movie has some sort of sadness wrapped in beauty. It’s aout feeling uncertain but being too scared to do anything about it. And Javier Bardem also gives an outstanding performance as womanizer-but-really-messed-up-inside Juan Antonio Gonzales. I fell for him since the first scene. What woman wouldn’t give in for a sexy spanish broken soul?

You know what? I’m going to stop rating these films.

Written by strangelittlegirl

April 5, 2009 at 5:53 am

Before Sunset

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Before Sunset (2004) is an American film, the sequel to the film Before Sunrise (1995). Like its predecessor, the film was directed by Richard Linklater.

Nine years have passed since the events of Before Sunrise, when Jesse (Hawke) and Celine (Delpy) had met in Vienna. Since then, Jesse has written a novel, This Time, inspired by his time in Vienna with Celine, and the book has become an American best-seller with Jesse doing a book tour. The last stop of the tour across Europe is Paris, and Jesse is doing a reading at the bookstore Shakespeare and Company. As Jesse talks with his audience, flashbacks are seen of him and Celine in Vienna; the memories of their night together have clearly remained with him despite it being nine years later. Celine appears in the audience and sees him and he, in turn, recognizes her. Jesse has a short time before his plane departs, and invites Celine to share it with him. 

or..What the Hell Hapenned to You, Celine??

or..What the Hell Hapenned to You, Celine??

Okay, I admit, Before Sunrise and Before sunset are two very hard movies to argue with. Even if I did not like it, I can’t say why. I don’t really know. 

I guess, then we go 9 years from the first film, and watch their reunion in real time. The movie also sets 9 years from when they first met, and as the flashbacks of the first film plays, you see how much age has taken its toll on Julie Delpy and I would’ve said the same with Ethan Hawke, but he is seksi as hell. So as the move plays out, we see two people having a conversation and it gets more personal this time, because their in their thirties, and time is shorter now than last time.

So I guess, what would you do if you had a second chance with the one that got away. That, amigo, is the movie tag line, and it captures the essentiality of this movie. So I guess we’d have to have the cliche of unhappy marriages and relationships because we need to feel less guilty of feeling so good about meeting the woman that you wrote a book about. I guess every one deserves a woman or man that got away that you can think to yourself, I think she could’ve been the one. But this movie skips all the complexities of a relationship and just picks up on, I really like you, even more than 9 years ago. So let’s just keep talking.

I relate to this movie. People are just people, they like to throw away what they have for a chance of finding greater happiness, truer love, better conersations, wilder sex. I would disagree on some parts, but if 9 years ago I had an American fuckbuddy who’s also a suave talker, plus he’s unhppy with hs marriage, so I might be doing him a favor right, and my boyfriend is away, and plus I don’t really like my boyfriend that much anyways, so maybe I..

never mind. I have become mushy over these movies and then, after I gave it some thought, I have turned almost robotic. My romanticism is fucked.

Lets just say this movie is as dope as its prequel.

Written by strangelittlegirl

April 4, 2009 at 4:14 am

Before Sunrise

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Now here’s the part where I watched a double disc DVD feature, back to back, of what is arguably two of the most romantic movie without any visible fucking or heavy groping.

The first of the duo, Before Sunrise is a 1995 drama film directed by Richard Linklater and written by Linklater and Kim Krizan. The film follows Jesse (Ethan Hawke), a young American, and Céline (Julie Delpy), a young French woman, who meet on a train and disembark in Vienna, where they spend the night walking around the city and getting to know one another.

or..French Girls will Get Off the Train with You if You Look Like Ethan Hawke

or..French Girls will Get Off the Train with You if You Look Like Ethan Hawke

You should know by now if I put words in a blockquote, it came from Wikipedia or someplace else, I’m too lazy to be making shit up.

Okay Okay Okay Okay

This movie stirs up a lot of distinct emotions in me.  Firstly because I’m a girl, and every girl dreams of being approached by a handsome young American (and plus, not a  psycho, but I guess handsome precedes pyscho) on the train ride back to Paris. The girl would have a big flowing messy hair and this Ethan Hawke look alike would still fall for her. He would be a love skeptic, she would be somewhat diabolical, but they will hit it off. They will have great conversations. These conversations are so great that it justifies an European one night stand in the park.

Yes, I call Before Sunrise by its alternate title: One Night Stand in Europe with a French Chick Who Seems Like a Feminist but Really Isn’t. But Maybe She Is.

But I fucking loved it. I loved the flow of the whole thing. Seriously, Richard Linklater made this feel nothing like an American movie. It’s so avant garde, its so French, its so beautiful. The long pauses, the awkward “I really want to touch your hair” move, Julie Delpy’s fresh face, Ethan Hawke’s crooked teeth. Almost perfect. Almost.

I liked Before Sunrise. Next, we’ll talk about why this movie is not perfect in my opinion, plus, we’ll review Before Sunset. Yes, sunrise comes before sunset. Unless you think the chicken comes before the egg. Duh.

Dopeness factor : 4.0 out of 5.0

Written by strangelittlegirl

April 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Slumdog Millionaire

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or..a Hindi Movie with No Big Dance Number (OK maybe one. At the very end)

or..No Hindi Movie can Resist a Big Dance Number at The End

 

I just had to see for myself what 8 Academy Awards and 4 Golden Globes really look like. Well, it is everything I imagined, everything I hoped for and then some. Slumdog Millionaire tells a modern rags-to-rajah story which appeals to almost everyone. Kids, lovers, cultural enthusiasts, award show buffs, people living in slums, gangsters with guns…

If you follow closely, this movie does have that British feel but the theme and most of the execution sticks true to Bollywood cinema. Brothers? Check. Love? Check. Slums? Check. Rags to Riches? Check. Brother turning into an asshole and stealing your girlfriend? Check. Check. Check. 

With awesome soundtracks like Paper Planes by M.I.A (which in my opinion is the ultimate kid-on-top-of-trains hustler’s anthem),with the fast and breathtaking editing similar to the City of God, with the fantasy montage sequences, Slumdog Millionaire hits it out of the ballpark.

I thank this movie for breaking my heart in the first half of the movie and then gluing that shit back together on the second half, for the kid actors who I heard was really living in slums but are getting the help they need, for Danny Boyle, for Dev Patel, for Freida Pinto. I heart you guys. I identify with this because I’m living in a third world country, and its sadly similar. And I do hope this movie does so much more than glamorize poverty and slums. I hope it raises awareness of things, of everythings. If portrayals of deliberately blinded child beggars and child prostitutes could win 8 Oscars, imagine the drama that is their real life. Their stories could win all the awards, but these slum kids would just sell them by the pound.

Slumdog Millionaire is a 2008 British film directed by Danny Boyle, written by Simon Beaufoy, and co-directed in India by Loveleen Tandan. It is an adaptation of the novel Q & A (2005) by Indian author and diplomat Vikas Swarup.

Set and filmed in India, Slumdog Millionaire tells the story of a young man from the slums of Mumbai who appears on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and exceeds people’s expectations, arousing the suspicions of the game show host and of law enforcement officials.

Out of the ballpark dope. 5.0 out of 5.0

Written by strangelittlegirl

March 28, 2009 at 4:52 pm