Cream of The Crap

Music, movies, gadgets and just random things. The Creme de La Creme, of Crap!

Posts Tagged ‘people getting shot

Crank 2: High Voltage

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Or: Jason Statham and His New Fetish (Okay that was bad)

Or: Jason Statham and His New Fetish (Okay that was bad)

People are gonna say a lot of things about this movie, and yeah, whatever, but I fucking love Chev Chelios. This movie is brainless and fun but it was intended this way, see? This is what makes it brilliant. It’s like fuckin Grand Theft Auto, without even having to actually make Grand Theft Auto. Crank 2: High Voltage by far surpasses the first movie. It’s louder, cruder (is that a word?) and dare i say this: better.

For the 3 people out there that did not like, or did not watch the fisrt Crank, Chev Chelios (played by Jason Statham) is a bad ass from Enghlandh (mispellings intended) that fell from a helicopter after surviving a chinese poison (yes, a poison) thats supposedly will make his heart stop if he ran out of adrenaline, thus buying him a perfect, justifiable escuse to do whatever the fuck he wants. In Crank 2, after he fell, he was scooped up and given an artificial heart, which has to be recharged every hour. Thus the plot ensue and we get to see Jason Statham wreck havoc, and makes my heart skip a beat. Crank 2 was so high on surrealism that they had to include montage scenes, title scenes that says “9 seconds later,” and cameos from porn stars.

I read that Crank 2 was shot by cheap cameras straight out of Best Buy, although they used 12 at a time and not afraid to destroy any if deemed necessary.  So you see kids? Cheap cameras + Jason Statham + Strippers + Mechanical Heart + Men’s nipples getting cut off (wait for it..its legendary) = GOOD TIME.

The Verdict: 5 out of 5.

I give it that because, ah hell, as much as I love war movies, holocaust movies, 2 hours of talking movies all those pretentious movies, but Crank 2 can’t be wrong. It blows your brain all over the place.

Written by strangelittlegirl

May 11, 2009 at 5:47 pm

No Country For Old Men

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or..WHO YOU BE CALLING OLD *PEW PEW*

No Country for Old Men is about finding money that does not belong to you and trying to outrun a a guy that looks like Snape (played by Javier Bardem). For a movie that lacks soundtracks, it is compelling. It’s dramatic angle shots one after another.

Okay let me stop trying to pretend I know shit about dramatic angle shots.

I watched this so called masterpiece about a month ago or so. Apparently this movie received an overwhelming response, so i thought Id see it. This movie is bland but effin brilliant. Of course, we are all only interested in Anton Chigurh and his captive bolt pistol. Man, I wish I had one of those.

Dopeness factor: 5.0 out of 5.0

(This is partly because everyone said so. But also for the damn creative uses of the captive bolt pistol)

Written by strangelittlegirl

October 7, 2008 at 2:12 pm

Wanted

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or..ANgelina Jolie's Incredibly Long Arm

Wanted starts promising. It starts with awesome mind-bending bullet-through-the-sound-barrier technology they did for the Matrix. The bullet fired from miles away was bent, through the window, through the train, onto a human head. I was fed with the constant backsound of heartbeats that would turn Bruce Banner into Hulk.

Then Wanted shows Angelina Jolie, mother of 6, partner of Brad Pitt, kicking ass and shooting stuff.

Fuckin awesome, eh?

Then we are shown a group of assassins who kill whatever name comes up in the Loom of Fate.

Yes. The Loom of Fate.

No, it does not make Fruit of the Loom undies. It’s a mill machine that encode names in binary code into a fabric. 

How?? or an even better question, WHY???

There are more things to love about the movie than the absurd bits. I love Angelina in this movie. I usually like Morgan Freeman, but not this time. I love James McCavoy. I love the bullet through the head scenes. I love the high-adrenaline chases and the orientation beat-ups and the knife trainings.

Beware of the plot twist which goes something like, I AM YOUR FATHER!

Ha ha too late. It was written in the Loom of Fate

Dopeness factor: 4.0 out of 5.0

Written by strangelittlegirl

July 18, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Straight Outta Compton

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Kids, you know what time it is? Time for some old skool hip hop, thats what time it is.

….

Whatever, I happen to like what I like.

Anyway, listen to the original Straight Outta Compton by the N.W.A below:

And then listen to the cover by Nina Gordon. So different, SO GOOD.

Written by strangelittlegirl

June 14, 2008 at 5:45 pm